Are You Getting the Commitment You Want?
Your heart is full, your dreams are big—but you feel stuck. You feel so deeply involved, yet here you are, wondering: “Will he ever truly commit?”
It’s easy to retreat into your head when the emotional waters feel murky.
You analyze, think, replay every conversation, every moment… and somehow, that only leaves you feeling more disconnected.
Let’s pause for a moment.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath in.
Let your shoulders relax.
Let your heart lead.
Now, ask yourself:
What do I really want?
What is MY VIsion For My Future?
If he were not the one, what would I want for me…
Not the little disappointments of today.
Not the text he didn’t send, the plans he canceled, or the things he forgot.
I long for the good feelings… of being a wife… feeling part of a family… driving the kids to their soccer games… whatever that is for you… know it in your body… feel it… let it feel good… untethered from this man in particular… see how that feels… good… different… scary?
Do you want to feel cherished?
Do you want a life partner who shows up for you emotionally and physically?
Do you want someone who is as all in as you are?
Now imagine you’re sitting with him tonight.
He asks you:
“How are you feeling?”
You could just lean forward grab him by the shirt and say “why haven’t you married me yet? “
What the heck is wrong with you?
We have been together for 10 years… shit or get off the pot…”
Imagine that… lean forward… grab him by the collar and say all of that and more… maybe even drop a few F bombs while you’re at it… let him know how hurt you are… how angry… and how it is all his fault… and all of the things he can do to fix it, change it, and make it better…
What is he doing now?
Running for the door or something like it?
Is that what you want him to do… truly… really… deep down in your heart?
Now try this…
“I’m feeling sad ….and angry… pining… longing… clinging…cling… cling… cling…
“I don’t want to feel that way…it feels so good being with you.
I have realized that I don’t want to be a girlfriend… it doesn’t feel good to feel locked in with a man …even a man who I LOVE being with as much as I love being with you!
I don’t want to be exclusive.
It would feel so good to start opening up and exploring my options…
… it would feel so good to keep dating as well and see how that feels… I feel so confident in you that you’ll know what you need and good things will come.
What do you think?”
What is he doing now?
Notice the difference?
Is this different? Is his mouth on the floor? Is he coming toward you? When you stay emotionally open and grounded — fully owning and inhabiting your own space, filling it up with your own feelings unapologetically WITHOUT making it all about him… without leaning forward, you invite him to lean in if he ever would… and you have now genuinely opened yourself up to the love you want and need and crave and long for and deserve… coming to you from the universe with our without him joining in… He may or he may not… He is certainly more likely to do so than he was when you were silently pining or angry or stuffing your own feelings wants or needs. when you were insisting, demanding, that it be him who meets them.
Now he finally has the space…
To hear you.
To see you.
This isn’t about ignoring your OWN needs or leaving him or abandoning him or giving up —far from it.
You are finally expressing your feelings from a place of hope and connection and openness to your options… letting him off the hook… as scary as it may feel and as sad as it may feel now to give him the space to choose4… fully inhabiting the larger world within you and around you - knowing that you CAN have it all…
It may or may not be with him… if it is to be with him… I can GUARANTEE you 100% that this is your BEST shot at it … the world is now feeling open like your own oyster… this feels GOOD to him… the pressure is finally off whether the pressue was spoken or bubbling underneath, he was feeling it you can be sure…
you are now a woman who knows what she wants and is willing to share it… feel it… open up to it… and make it her own dream rather than making it a requirement of HIS…
Finally, you are a fern who requires that she be watered… you are making it a requirement of YOURS! You require it… He respects that.
He may not say so in words… he may not say wow this feels good… he may feel scared or have a bit of a tantrum… but he WILL NOT LEAVE OVER THIS… I am sure of it. There are thousands of good men out there who want to know you who have not had the chance and if this man is you guy, he knows that and he will remember as well as soon as you do. And if he was ever going to move forward, he will find his way forward. And either way, you will for sure.
Staying present and vulnerable is hard. Opening your options can feel scary… You may fear losing him… I can reassure you in all of my time dating AND coaching I have never seen this scary thing happen -- not even once! I have seen my clients open their options up, feel pursued by many men and choose a man other than the one they came to me pining for…but I have never seen a man disappear when the woman he loves opens her options to love and begins to require of the world than a man be a part of her vision rather than trying to stuff her vision to make something “work”.
If your current man was ever going to do more, this is his catalyst for moving forward or it is yours for attracting the love you long for or both. I have never seen it go any other way.
The only time a man does drift off is if you were doing all the pursuing and he was never doing it to begin with.
The man for you will LOVE you and PURSUE you and NEVER GIVE UP. This man may be stuck or you may be pushing him away with pursuit or he may not be your guy. The way to know is also the way to attract love… It is the same solution for all scenarios…
I promise you. This will work to turn your love life around…
Please give this a try and let me know how it goes.
The next time you feel yourself retreating into your head, stop. Breathe. Focus on your own vision for the love that you want in your life and how that feels in your body. Not who will provide it… Separate the vision from this particular man.
Then ask:
“How can I communicate in my own space fully without leaning forward, pursuing, pushing love away? How can I share from my heart who I am.. what I long for… without him in mind… just sharing my loving heart and my dream in his presence? If I can do this and he wants to be a part of it, amazing… if he doesn’t… amazing as well… All the love I long for is on its way to me.
I remember having this conversation with my daughter’s father who had said he never wanted to be divorced again –and his solution was to never marry again! He had been divorced once already. When he thought of marriage, he immediately thought of the pain of divorce and all of the suffering that came with it in his life…
I had discovered these tools. I was a fern who now required water as well.
I was no longer people pleasing… being “understanding” of his “reasons”…
Instead, I was able to share MY OWN vision… I was not feeling the same way… I had not experienced divorce…
I was able to share how good it felt in my body to envision feeling like a wife as part of family.
I shared that I did not want to go through the rest of my life never knowing how that feels.
I shared that I felt open to love and that I did not want to feel exclusive in a relationship where I may or may not have the chance to feel like part of a family.
He proposed shortly thereafter after vowing never to have that heartbreak again…
My vision was about me and my hopes and dreams for the future… MY future… he was free to join in and share in that vision… and pursue that vision with me or not… I knew that it was a vision that I was not going to sacrifice… And the right man for me would easily want to share in this vision with me as well. He would find it beautiful and enticing as I did.
What has this journey looked like for you?
Have you been able to stay open and share your feelings when it feels easier to shut down or it feels easier to go along to get along?
Have you found yourself stuffing your true feelings settling for less than you long for, hoping that he’ll come around if you’re patient enough?
If so, you can turn this around quickly… none of those will work. But you can have it all!
If you want to make this love turnaround happen quickly, you can book a free call to see if coaching is for you.
Here’s to getting the love and commitment long for, want, crave, and deserve…
You CAN do it!
If I have been able to turn it around to feel pursued after years of chasing and pining, anyone can.
I have seen so many of my clients do so. You can have that too!
If you need a little help to transform this into a scenario that feels good and easy for you, bringing in all of the love you want in a completely authentic way… you are welcome to book a free call to see if coaching may help. If this resonates…click the “book a call” link below or the button at the top of the page to get straight to me.
Love,
Nora Rose
